Tired and Stressed and can't have a glass of wine!

Well, I don't think this month was the month.  I don't have tender BB's this month.  I don't know if it is the fertilaid or just that I didn't ovulate.  Hmmm, I hope it's the fertile aid because they weren't sore last month either.  Since I took a vitex containing product last month it may be the reason why.  They had been really sore most other months.  I really really hope it's the vitex and not another non-ovulating month.  Ugh!!!  Please OV watch be correct!!!!  I will love you forever!!!  I can't wait to not wear it, I probably could of stopped when it got to OV day 1 but It says to wear it until it says NF(non fertile) again. I am so worried that it won't be tight enough that I over do it a bit and it is uncomfortable.  I have to say I didn't have any problems with it and  it seems to be right on for my fertile time.  The CM seemed to be at it's most at least.  I didn't do a OPK too, but maybe next month I will.  I am always up at strange times and I think it throws off my hormones.  I will have to talk to the OB when I go to visit after the next cycle.  They won't do any hormone testing until after the next cycle so I will just have to wait.

I really wish I could just a glass of wine to relax a bit, but not only have I gave up alcohol completely but it's the TWW so I am not taking any chances.  At least not any more, I feel like for most people it is probably ok, but for me it's probably the one thing that will cause me not to ovulate or something.  But, it would be nice...lol...I would give up alcohol forever if I could just have a baby, and of course a family of my own.

The Dreaded TWW

The dreaded TWW has begun.  I haven't felt that I ovulated, but the watch seems to think so.  I am hoping that I did this month!!!  I know these things don't happen fast, but In trying to conceive so many things are off limits.  I haven't lost any weight, in fact I feel that I have gained weight but  I have been watching sugar and carbs, alcohol, coffee, caffeine in general.  I really feel like a glass of wine tonight.  I need to just de-stress, instead I played some games online.  I should of taken a walk, but it is still pretty cold.  I didn't get much sleep last night so I am hoping it will be better tonight.  I have an extra long weekend ahead of me working.  Ugh!!!  I pray that I am preggo, but If I am not I can't say that I just tried, it was like training for a marathon. 

OV watch tells me fertile day 1!!

Yesterday I got my fertile day 1.  I am so happy it told me something.  I BD'd yesterday and I will continue for the next few days.  I am also using instead cups, they are supposed to hold the semen closer to the cervix and you can keep it in for up to 12 hours.  I googled it and it seems like it is used often to help conceive as well as for your menstrual cycle.  Seriously I think I am going crazy, but without doing something I feel like I am so out of control.  I hate that feeling, if I can do anything I will at least try.  If I'm going to go off caffeine and sugar I can do this. 

CD 10 and still no fertile day!

I am starting to panic that I will not get a fertile day on the OV watch!  Anyone out there who has not gotten fertile day on the watch?  Let me know I am so fearful that it will not show up.  It's like not knowing is easier and harder at the same time.  I don't want to stay in the dark. I pray it will be soon.

In the last few days I have stayed away from carbohydrates thanks to a fellow blogger.  I know it's been shown that carbs are bad for fertility.  I guess I don't know what isn't good for fertility anymore. 

Jealousy

Jealousy is a disgusting thing, I hate to say it even.  Life can be so cruel and frustrating sometimes.  My old friend recently announced after trying just once she is pregnant.  I hate to be so frustrated, but I just can't help it.  How do you not be this way?  Why is so easy for some?  Why does it have to be so hard for me?  Is this supposed to make me a better person?  Meanwhile my heart palpitations have come back, and my stress levels are up for more than one reason for the last couple of days.  Can they be caused from stress??  Ugh!  I wish someone would just tell me what is going to happen to me.  I just need something good to happen, do I not deserve it? God, can I please just get some answers, please my heart is breaking and my spirit is shaken.  I know that I sometimes get frustrated, but I never lose faith.

Heart Palpitations

They went away!!!!  I am so excited.  I am actually wondering if they were caffeine induced.  I have not had any caffeine for a week and 2 days.  3 days ago the heart palps went away.  I had them for 2 months, almost straight.  I am so hoping that the caffeine was the culprit.  I have always had them, not as bad as I did in the last 2 months, but I had always had them since I've been in HS.  I have always had tachycardia as well so I really never thought much of it until TTC.  This had given me even more hope=)

OV Watch

I've worn my watch for 2 nights now.  It has worked perfectly so far.  I am hoping to see a fertile day 1 one of these days.  I've got to be hopeful, because with something like this you become even more fearful that if your body isn't working right the technology will tell no lies.