Tired and Stressed and can't have a glass of wine!

Well, I don't think this month was the month.  I don't have tender BB's this month.  I don't know if it is the fertilaid or just that I didn't ovulate.  Hmmm, I hope it's the fertile aid because they weren't sore last month either.  Since I took a vitex containing product last month it may be the reason why.  They had been really sore most other months.  I really really hope it's the vitex and not another non-ovulating month.  Ugh!!!  Please OV watch be correct!!!!  I will love you forever!!!  I can't wait to not wear it, I probably could of stopped when it got to OV day 1 but It says to wear it until it says NF(non fertile) again. I am so worried that it won't be tight enough that I over do it a bit and it is uncomfortable.  I have to say I didn't have any problems with it and  it seems to be right on for my fertile time.  The CM seemed to be at it's most at least.  I didn't do a OPK too, but maybe next month I will.  I am always up at strange times and I think it throws off my hormones.  I will have to talk to the OB when I go to visit after the next cycle.  They won't do any hormone testing until after the next cycle so I will just have to wait.

I really wish I could just a glass of wine to relax a bit, but not only have I gave up alcohol completely but it's the TWW so I am not taking any chances.  At least not any more, I feel like for most people it is probably ok, but for me it's probably the one thing that will cause me not to ovulate or something.  But, it would be nice...lol...I would give up alcohol forever if I could just have a baby, and of course a family of my own.

The Dreaded TWW

The dreaded TWW has begun.  I haven't felt that I ovulated, but the watch seems to think so.  I am hoping that I did this month!!!  I know these things don't happen fast, but In trying to conceive so many things are off limits.  I haven't lost any weight, in fact I feel that I have gained weight but  I have been watching sugar and carbs, alcohol, coffee, caffeine in general.  I really feel like a glass of wine tonight.  I need to just de-stress, instead I played some games online.  I should of taken a walk, but it is still pretty cold.  I didn't get much sleep last night so I am hoping it will be better tonight.  I have an extra long weekend ahead of me working.  Ugh!!!  I pray that I am preggo, but If I am not I can't say that I just tried, it was like training for a marathon. 

OV watch tells me fertile day 1!!

Yesterday I got my fertile day 1.  I am so happy it told me something.  I BD'd yesterday and I will continue for the next few days.  I am also using instead cups, they are supposed to hold the semen closer to the cervix and you can keep it in for up to 12 hours.  I googled it and it seems like it is used often to help conceive as well as for your menstrual cycle.  Seriously I think I am going crazy, but without doing something I feel like I am so out of control.  I hate that feeling, if I can do anything I will at least try.  If I'm going to go off caffeine and sugar I can do this. 

CD 10 and still no fertile day!

I am starting to panic that I will not get a fertile day on the OV watch!  Anyone out there who has not gotten fertile day on the watch?  Let me know I am so fearful that it will not show up.  It's like not knowing is easier and harder at the same time.  I don't want to stay in the dark. I pray it will be soon.

In the last few days I have stayed away from carbohydrates thanks to a fellow blogger.  I know it's been shown that carbs are bad for fertility.  I guess I don't know what isn't good for fertility anymore. 

Jealousy

Jealousy is a disgusting thing, I hate to say it even.  Life can be so cruel and frustrating sometimes.  My old friend recently announced after trying just once she is pregnant.  I hate to be so frustrated, but I just can't help it.  How do you not be this way?  Why is so easy for some?  Why does it have to be so hard for me?  Is this supposed to make me a better person?  Meanwhile my heart palpitations have come back, and my stress levels are up for more than one reason for the last couple of days.  Can they be caused from stress??  Ugh!  I wish someone would just tell me what is going to happen to me.  I just need something good to happen, do I not deserve it? God, can I please just get some answers, please my heart is breaking and my spirit is shaken.  I know that I sometimes get frustrated, but I never lose faith.

Heart Palpitations

They went away!!!!  I am so excited.  I am actually wondering if they were caffeine induced.  I have not had any caffeine for a week and 2 days.  3 days ago the heart palps went away.  I had them for 2 months, almost straight.  I am so hoping that the caffeine was the culprit.  I have always had them, not as bad as I did in the last 2 months, but I had always had them since I've been in HS.  I have always had tachycardia as well so I really never thought much of it until TTC.  This had given me even more hope=)

OV Watch

I've worn my watch for 2 nights now.  It has worked perfectly so far.  I am hoping to see a fertile day 1 one of these days.  I've got to be hopeful, because with something like this you become even more fearful that if your body isn't working right the technology will tell no lies.

OV watch day 1

So I the watch I bought off Craig's List didn't work properly, it was made in the last few years and I guess they had some glitches.  I received my watch overnight mail today, just in time for my cycle day 3!  I put it on and it worked right away.  I hope this works.  I had been trying to use the opk's but didn't have the greatest results.  Meanwhile I met a 39 yo that was pregnant naturally today, so I have a little hope still.

I just pray that I haven't worried myself or abused my body into early menopause.  I can't wait to see Fertile Day 1 on my watch!!! 

TTC Supplements

Has anyone had any luck with any supplements?  I take a lot and wonder if it is doing me any good.
1. Co Q10- supposed to increase egg quality
2. Wheatgrass-supposed to decrease FSH
3. Fish oil-good for egg quality
4. Prenatal-Folic acid and inositol good for preventing neural tube defects
5. Baby aspirin-helps with inplantation
6. B12 injections-not sure but both fertility blend and Fertilaid has lots of B vitamins
7. Fertilaid-Vitex-like natural clomid
8. Fertile CM-increased fertile cervical mucas


All I know is that all this stuff is a lot of money!  I try to by them at the better health store and get organic or whole food if possible.  I have also heard of people taking royal jelly and evening primrose.    Co Q10 is so expensive, but recently got it on sale at Rite Aid, BOGO!

Anyone with any advice or suggestions??  I will gladly accept any given.  I just don't want to hurt myself. 

TTC First Blog post

So this is my first time blogging, I'm not sure what to think yet.  I figured it seemed like a good way to communicate and let out frustrations without pissing off or annoying the people that are you around everyday. 

Hmmm...well as of today I have been trying to conceive for about 4 months.  Two this past fall and two in 2011.  I had to have a D and C because something didn't look right on an ultrasound in November so I had to wait a couple of months before I could try again.  I can honestly say that it is utterly exhausting.  I am so worried that I can't get pregnant or that DH is infertile that I drive myself crazy!!  I have read way too much about infertility and have convinced myself that I am infertile!  My OBGYN will not do any blood work for another 2 months so I cannot find out for sure.  Meanwhile it is killing me to wonder and think that I am peri-menopausal and not going to be able to have any children of my own. 

I know you all may really think I'm crazy, but I do have reason to believe that something is wrong.  I have had some symptoms that I really do not think are completely normal.  Shorter, lighter periods, getting hot at night, heart palpitations, insomnia, sore breasts, decreased amount of follicles on  my ovaries (betcha wonder how I know that, just know I know because I'm in the health care field).

So what have I been doing to help my fertility??  Vitamins and supplements for one.  I take a lot of pills!!  I take wholefood prenatal, organic wheatgrass, CO Q10, Fertility blend ( I am in the process of switching to fertilaid as soon as it comes in the mail), vitex, B12 injections, baby aspirin and fish oil.  Total this is about 26 pills a day with a couple B12 injections per month.  I have dhea but I am too afraid to take it just yet. 

Last month I had a positive pregnancy test, then started my cycle two days later.  I am not sure that this was a chemical pregnancy or not, but if it was at least something happened. 

I am going to be using the OV watch for this month's cycle so I am super excited.  I bought one off Craig's List, but unfortunately found out yesterday that it may not be working so I ordered another one today.  I am supposed to get another one tomorrow, which is the last day this cycle I can use it.  I hope that it comes!!!!  So far they have been really nice at customer service and they are giving me 2 free sensors because they didn't work in my watch.  They are 40 dollars a piece so that is a plus.  This watch is supposed to give you your fertile days 4 days in advance.  www.ovwatch.com/

Well, this is a short summation of what is going on right now.  I hope I get my watch so this cycle I can find out if I am ovulating or not.  Luckily my cycles have been 28-30 days. 

So this month I am going to do a couple of things different. 
1.  No coffee, only a diet pepsi here and there.
2.  fertilaid
3.  ov watch
4.  no alcohol at all!
5.  more B12 (once a week)

I hope it works!!!